Following Christ English

“God made a woman…and…brought her to the man.” Before God gave Adam a wife, He gave him a calling. Then He explained to Adam that he would need help to fulfill that calling; he would never reach his maximum potential on his own because he was incomplete. Adam didn’t realize that until God revealed it to him. And how did He reveal it? Once Adam started naming the animals in the garden, he was in a position to see that each of them had a partner. Every creature had another creature just like him or her, whereas Adam didn’t. Notice: God didn’t give Adam a wife until he generated in him the realization that he needed one. We value something or someone once we realize how vital they are. One of the most common complaints counselors hear is that one of the partners in a marriage feels unneeded. But when God joins you, and you understand how each of you contributes to the relationship, you both feel needed. The first thing in Scripture God declared “not good” (v. 18 ) was that Ada

8) Ask God to Change You. As soon as you begin offering prayers of thankfulness for your spouse, be sure of this: the enemy of your soul and the would-be destroyer of your marriage will remind you where your mate falls short. You can count on it. You’ll find yourself growing resentful: “Why should I thank God that my husband works hard when he comes home and won’t even talk to me at night?” “Why should I thank God that my wife has always been faithful to me when she’s so critical?” You need to respond to this temptation with a healthy spiritual exercise: as soon as you recall your spouse’s weaknesses—the very second those poor qualities come to mind—start asking God to help you with specific weaknesses of your own. That’s right—as backward as this may sound, respond to temptations to judge your mate by praying for God to change you. Go into prayer armed with two lists: your spouse’s strengths, and your weaknesses. This exercise will help maintain a positive spiritual balanc

7) Form Your Heart through Prayer. It’s one thing to know I’m supposed to respect my spouse, but it’s another thing entirely to do it. Can I retrain my heart? Can I spiritually form my mind to accept them as they are? Yes, I can. Prayer can be a very practical tool in this regard. Simply practice praying positive prayers for your spouse. Find the five or six things he or she does really well—or even just one or two!—and try to tire God out by thanking him for giving you a mate with those qualities. Follow up your prayers with comments or even cards that thank your spouse personally for who he or she is. I’ve practiced this with my wife. One morning I awoke early and immediately sensed my frustration from the previous evening. We have an issue in our relationship that we had talked to death over the previous two decades. Lisa acknowledged her need to grow in this area, but events of the previous weeks had convinced me that nothing had changed. I felt resentful, and in my res

6) Accept the Biblical Call to Respect. Here’s what it comes down to. If you’re a believer, the Bible calls you to respect your husband (Ephesians 5:33) or your wife (1 Peter 3:7). It doesn’t say wives should respect perfect husbands, or even godly husbands. It doesn’t say husbands should respect agreeable or unusually loving wives. There are no qualifiers, because biblical respect, in one sense, comes with the position, not with the person. The apostle Paul insulted a man with bold language (“you whitewashed wall!”) but then apologized after he learned he had been speaking to a high priest: “Brothers, I did not realize that he was the high priest; for it is written, ‘Do not speak evil about the ruler of your people'” (Acts 23:3-5). Your spouse, because he/she is your spouse, deserves respect. You may disagree with his judgment; you may object to the way she handles things—but according to the Bible, their position alone calls you to give them proper respect. Note..We’r

5) Accept the Reality of Your Decision. Everyone comes into marriage with their own hurts, wounds, and spiritual “baggage.” Maybe your wife’s siblings teased her. Maybe your husband’s former girlfriend cheated on him and broke his heart. Maybe your spouse’s parents were abusive, or neglectful. The possibilities, sadly, are endless. Before a casual relationship morphs into a permanent commitment, many men and women see a hurting person and think, I want to help them. But something about marriage often turns that around and makes us say, “Why does he have to be that way?” Our spouse’s needs once elicited feelings of nurture and compassion; now those same hurts tempt us toward bitterness and regret. Before we get married is the time to make a character-based judgment (“Do I really want to live with this person’s wounds?”) Once the ceremony has ended, God challenges us to maintain an attitude of concern and nurture instead of resentment and frustration. Can you maintain a soft

3) Accept the Reality of Your Own Sin. “Gary,” the email read, “What does a wife do when her husband doesn’t love her like Christ loves the church?” The woman then shocked me by giving the rest of her story: “Before I got married, I read many Harlequin romances and I thought marriage would be like that. For a while it was, but then things cooled off. A couple years later, I found that exciting love once again by having an affair; but after a number of months, that too, cooled off.” At this point, she threw herself into the church, but after a while even God became boring. That’s when she “fell” into yet another affair that—no surprise, here—also eventually cooled off. In the aftermath of those two affairs, in which she wounded and humiliated her husband about as deeply as a wife can, she wrote to me, consumed with how her husband wasn’t loving her like Christ loves the church. Admittedly, this is an extreme example, but all of us have hearts that tend toward dismissing our